How can 3 words be so hard?

"I am sorry"

Those are some very tough words to say and yet, we know we all need to say it at one point or another. Right now, I'm going through Alfred Poirier's "The Peace-Making Pastor," in which Mr Poirier shares lesson from experience and practical steps for mediation of conflicts within the church. He makes an interesting point on page 124 that, "too often we as church leaders assume that our people know what a good confession is." He goes on to say that he's witness a lot of poor confessions that actually made the situation worst! "Ironically, the confessor too often subverts the very intent of his or her confession by using an accusatory tone of voice or making a halfhearted appeal."  He then goes on to share Ken Sade's "Seven A's of Confession," with a little modification and as I read through that, I realized that this is beneficial to all to know.

1. Address Everyone Involved. We must not only address God and the one we have offended, but we must consider if there are others that we have indirectly offended. "There fore, we need to address everyone involved: God, the person we offended, and the others watching" (126).
2. Avoid If, But, and Maybe. "If, but, and maybe are confession stoppers. They effectively erase every word confessed before and after them" (127). He suggests a good way to test the "strength of our confession" is to say it to God. Does "God, I'm sorry for looking at pornography, but I wasn't try to!" sound like a confession to you?
3. Admit Specifically. While admitting specifically doesn't mean that forgiveness is contingent on articulating every sin in every detail possible, it does show the one you've offended that you understand what you've done, how you have sinned against them and how you have hurt them. 
4. Accept the consequences. People have trouble forgiving because the one confession has trouble accepting the consequences. This step is akin to not only embracing God's forgiveness, but also to his call of repentance.
5. Alter Your Behavior. "If our goal is to grow to be like Christ, then confession is not enough. We need to alter our behavior" (129). Additionally, this will show our sincerity to the person when we change the way we act. 
6. Ask Forgiveness. We often times assume that by saying "I'm sorry," that we are also requesting forgiveness. We need to ask "Will you please forgive me?" because "by asking, we recognize and acknowledge that we do not and cannot forgive ourselves" (129). 
7. Allow Time. While God may forgive us right away, human beings do not. Some people have issues to work through first before they can say, "I forgive you." Thus, we must separate our responsibilities from those who are being asked to give forgiveness. Additionally, "the counsel to allow time is not a counsel to do nothing" (130). In the meanwhile, to take proactive steps to give that person time, we can reflect on our sins, on Christ's atoning work on the cross for us and pray for the offended one, that they would be set free from bitterness, revenge, grief, pain, hurt, etc. 

In looking at that list, I can see areas in which I have grown and other areas in which I need to grow more. It is definitely a process that we go through, but as the body of Christ, if  we are truly brothers and sisters in the Lord, then we need to learn to resolve conflicts among ourselves as a family!

I hope this is as beneficial to you all as it was for me!

What are you training for?

(...) train yourself for godliness; 8 for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.

1 Timothy 4:8

I've been reflecting on this passage sporadically the last few weeks and every time it comes to ind, I am convicted by the Holy Spirit. How often do we train ourselves for something that only has value in this current life, only to neglect training in something that will have value both now and after death: godliness. 

For me personally, I'm convicted because I think about how religiously I go to the gym during the week. And if an engagement or work comes up during my usual MWF workout times, I just shift my schedule around so that I can go to the gym at some other times during that day. Then I look at my devotional habits and I am appalled to see that I do not spend regular time in the Word nor do I "fight" for that time like I would with my workouts. Working out is not a bad thing, but its value is only for this life. Is it not better to train for that which is valuable both now and in the future?

What about you? What do you find yourself training for at the expense of training in godliness? You might be working hard to be a great computer programmer, or you might be training yourself, by going to conferences, to be a better leader, or you might be looking to improve as a parent by reading all the parenting books that you can. 

While these are not bad, Paul commands us to train ourselves in godliness. Godliness has value in everything and in every way. Let us strive for godliness, let us train for godliness and let us not neglect it for other pursuits.

Newspring Leadership Conference

Last Thursday I was in Anderson, SC attending the Newspring Leadership Conference and it was absolutely a great time of learning and of conviction by the Holy Spirit.

Pastor Steven Furtick from Elevation church in Charlotte, NC, made some observations about gratefulness and talked how we as a church, we need to be grateful. 

Gratitude begins where my sense of entitlement ends. We can't be grateful for something that you feel entitled to. Thus, when our sense of entitlement is high, then our sense of gratitude is low. When our gratitude is high, our sense of entitlement is low. IF we can impart this to our churches, people will have the attitude of "get to" instead of "got to."  Church services will be a place where people come for worship out of the gratitude of our hearts for what Christ has done for them, as opposed to a place where people come to get something for themselves (a new spiritual high, that ego boost, the good feelings that we're suppose to have all the time because we decided to become christians, etc).  We need to fight a sense of entitlement in our lives. For me, God has blessed me so much, but have I been grateful? Looking back on my life, my attitudes and everything, I can find so many speckles of entitles littered throughout my life. I feel entitled to: love from my family, thaving a laptop, being at seminary, having enough to eat, etc. Is there areas/times of gratefulness? Yes. Is there still areas of selfishness and entitlement? Absolutely...which brings up the next point. 

Gratefulness needs to be said and shown, but I have I shown it as much to others? We sometimes think that we don't need to mention or show our gratefulness because people should know that we are grateful in our hearts...BUT people don't know our hearts. People are not mind-readers nor are they heart-knowers. We need to be say it and show it! Of course, we have to be real and when there needs to be tough love, we need to have confrontations, but we will never be in danger of too much gratitude. We should be expressing and showing our gratefulness to those around us, instead of hiding it.

Oh God, make us a grateful people, who are thankful for everything that is given to us and who shows our gratitude, instead of assuming people know!